Is My Timing That Flawed ..

.. apparently it was for Ian Curtis ..

That's the case for a lot of people. It's funny how just one minute can make a substantial difference to someone's life. Leaving the house at 8:14 instead of 8:12 sometimes costs me missing two consecutive buses (which aren't meant to come at the same time in the first place) and another half hour of wait, thus coming late for tutorials. Other times, leaving the house at 8:10 instead of 8:12 had me waiting at the bus stop for two minutes before getting a bus.

On that same note .. this morning in an attempt to wake up at 6 in the morning, I woke up around 7:50, with only twenty minutes to get ready - that is .. toilet, brush, wear clothes, pack bag .. AND I didn't skip breakfast .. didn't miss the morning bus AND arrived at uni with ten minutes to spare.

I hate living so close to uni (though I would not mind living on campus dormatory .. the folks at Shalom and the Sydney Uni housing have so much bloody fun).

These days the entries lack substance, and even though these has never been any substantial substance to begin with, atleast past entries were interesting. These days all I seem to do is complain - about everything. I'm slowly starting to realise why best friends don't share their everyday (secrets, little things, partner complaint, sexual worries) things once they have found their other half .. .. I don't make any sense.

It's funny, unexpected death seems only to knock on someone's door at the times they are happy. I mean, you never see any miserable people to - just die. They don't. Miserable people, suicidal people, depressed people they never die .. they don't get run over by cars or trains, they don't contract any STD nor do they suffer from any terminal diseases. It's always the optimists, the positives, the happy's that get run over by cars or find out they have less than a year to live. I wonder why ..

To be honest, I've thought about my parents' death a lot .. I'm sure they still have another twenty years ahead of them and really there's no need to be mentally prepared for their death (neither do I have any reason to murder them for inheritence as we're pretty asset-poor), but I think about it at times. When my grandfather died last October, my mother's reaction was something like .. but I never saw it coming - I don't think I'll ever say that in the event of my birth-givers' deaths. Then again, you never know how you'll react to something if you've never experienced it before. (Even if you experience something a second time - be it love, betrayal, another death, there's no guarantee that you'll react to it the same way you did the first time).

I play around with alternate futures at times (actually, not alternate future, but potential future that could have been but probably would not occur). For example, if my parents died tomorrow in a car crash, in my head I exactly know who to call, when to call and what to do.


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Don't you hate it ..
Don't you just fucking hate it when whatever you type gets deleted? Fucking hell.